Jun 12 2012

Rhymes with “Sewage”

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I picked up a copy of Vision magazine, which tends to feature some of the more egregious ads for hucksters in my field. One woman is selling telepathically charged “Rejuvenizer” crystals, guaranteed to protect one from EMFs and other “damaging” frequencies (computers, cell phones, microwaves, TVs, satellites, wireless internet, etc.), enhance intuition and spiritual awareness, and protect one from other people’s negative energy. There’s an ad for a general contractor named “Hanuman” who does home repairs (because it’s always a good idea to trust your home repairs to the Hindu monkey god), and there’s an article about the holistic healing power of hula hoops. No, really. But my favorite (hint: sarcasm) is the ad for The Mystical Couple of our Time: Wisdom Teacher Sri Ram Kaa and Angelic Oracle Kira Raa. I don’t even know where to begin with this. Part of me wants to write them off as harmless quacks, and part of me wants to throttle them. So, I did the only thing I could do, and forwarded them on to Guruphiliac.

This stuff irritates me.

I begin to understand the idea of Jesus throwing the money changers out of the temple.

It seems, lately, too, that the last few quarters at school have found me in classes where on the first day the professor is taking roll call, and somebody will chime in with “that’s my name, but I prefer to go by [random spiritual sounding Sanskrit phrase]” I have no problem with people wanting to go by alternate names. More than a few people dear to me do so. Yet I wonder if there are people in India going by the English equivalents of some of these phrases.

“Hi! My name is Non-Dual Awareness!”

“Nice to meet you! I’m Eternal Light Consciousness!”

Or, maybe it’s simply a matter of adopting Western paradigmatic terms into names:

“Hi! I’m Clear-cut Deforestation!”

“Nice to meet you! I’m Barrel of Petroleum Price Hike!”

I decided this morning that I need a Sanskrit name.

So far, it’s a toss up between “Yābha Tvam” (which, loosely translates to “fuck you”, according to a website I found on Google) and “Yābha-Kovidam”.

So far, of the people I’ve asked, “Yabha Kovidam” seems to be the favorite, and that’s even before I’ve told them what it means. I’m kind of partial to it myself, as “Kovidam” is somewhat close to my last name. I think it would be fun to introduce myself using either name, and to see if anyone understands what I’m saying.

Look – I know I’m being bitchy about all of this. The thing is, it’s because I care deeply about my field of study, and I hate seeing it trivialized, commodified, packaged, marketed, and sold. It’s no wonder this stuff isn’t taken seriously. This is actually symptomatic of a larger issue of mine, which I’ll probably get around to posting about sometime.

In any event, the bitchiness will pass. My snarkiness will pass.

I’m just frustrated yet again, because I’m of the opinion that it takes more than a $500 weekend workshop to understand the nature of what it means to be conscious. I don’t believe that enlightenment can be bought, or brought about using a Technique™ , Method™ , or Process™ that involves a bastardization of someone’s last name (though the Ludovico Technique has its merits).

It would be ridiculously easy for me to follow this path.

I just can’t bring myself to do it.

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