Apr 28 2014

Eva Nox

Published by at 8:35 pm under Personal

evaA long time ago, I had an account with Livejournal.  That’s where most of the content in the Commonplace section originates from.

One of my friends on LJ was a woman, a few years younger than myself, who went by the name Evalux. I have zero recollection of why she friended me, though looking back, I see we had a few shared interests: Dreams, Writing, Hello Kitty, Dead Can Dance, Tattoos.   No mutual friends between us, so, again, I’m at a loss.

We weren’t necessarily close, though I do recall we had at least a few interesting conversations – dreams, spirituality, the occult.

She worked in the adult film industry.

I never saw any of her films. I never asked about it. It wasn’t an area of interest, in terms of our acquaintance, other than I found some of her descriptions of the behind the scenes aspects of the industry to be fascinating.  I remember one or two industry shutdowns, due to HIV scares, and her writing about them.

In September, 2005, she’d gotten a day job – working in an office.  She hated it.

I knew she wanted to write.

That post was the last thing I saw her write.  Nothing afterwards.  Again, we weren’t super close, but I did like her as a person.  People fell off of LJ all the time, so I thought nothing of her disappearance.

Yesterday, out of the blue, “Eva Lux” popped into my head. I decided to Google her, to see what she was up to, these days.

And, that’s when I found out that Leticia Lynn Blake (“Eva Lux”) had died of a heroin overdose a few days after that post.

Leticia had always seemed to me someone who had demons. There were spells of darkness, as I recall. Yet, I was hopeful for her with the day job (even though it seemed like a difficult re-entry).

She was 32 when she died.  I was 35 at the time.

And I just found out yesterday.

I’ve been online in some form or another since 1992. I have made a tremendous number of friends online.  Some I am still in contact with, others have gone on with their lives (or, in Leticia’s and a few others’ cases, their deaths). The Internet giveth, and the Internet taketh away.

I think we sometimes forget that there are actual people behind the screen names and social media profiles. Real people with real lives, and real problems.

The flipside to this, of course, is that if I’d happened upon Eva Lux, from one of her films, I probably would not have considered her to have the rich and complex inner life that I knew she had.  This is not necessarily a statement on pornography, but perhaps on what our preconceptions about someone who makes or stars in pornography are.

“Why would someone do that,” we ask ourselves.

People have their reasons, and it’s not always money or drugs.

I have no interest in holding Leticia up as a poster child for the “Dangers of Porn.”  I don’t know what drove her to heroin, and I don’t particularly care.

I do know, that with her, there were hints of greatness that I’d hoped would one day outshine the reputation that comes with her chosen profession.

Alas, that was not to be.

Godspeed, Leticia.

I hope you have the peace you sought.

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