September 11, 2001 – 2:36pm

I don’t know where to begin. I am utterly at a loss.

Part of me sits here staring at the walls. Another part of me wants to cry. Another part of me wants to keep the television on. Another part of me wants to hide in the basement.

I guess, I’ll try to give a subjective view of what’s happened today. Others, have been really good about posting timelines. 

I was in the usual Tuesday meeting, when one of our people walked in late, apologizing, and saying that we really might want to go turn on the news or something, as a plane had just crashed into the World Trade Center. As he was telling us this, we got a call from the daughter of one of our other co-workers, explaining that the Pentagon had been hit by another plane, and possibly the White House.

Ran downstairs, turned on the tv, no confirmation of the White House hit, other than it had been closed off (ah, confusion). Then they replayed the footage of the second plane hitting the other building of the World Trade Center. Eerie silence, as jet looking much larger than it should explodes in a fireball against the tower. 

I go to call Julia, but can’t, as the phone systems are having difficulties handling call traffic. Come back to meeting room, unconfirmed reports of car bombs at BWI, Chicago, and The State Department. Go back to TV. TV says Washington Monument has been attacked, but later retracts. Car bombs turn out to be retracted as well. Plane crashes outside of Pittsburgh. What the fuck is in Pittsburgh warranting an attack? Can only imagine that it never made its intended target. Turns out guy on a cellphone is calling 911 from the plane, claiming its been hijacked. He hears an explosion, sees smoke, line goes dead.

I leave work early. Meet Dad at his office, and we go home together. Ends up taking us nearly 2 hours, as we work near Ft. Meade and the NSA. Both of which have been closed down, and the main roads near them blocked off.

Make it home. I feel sick. Sick to my stomach. Not since the fire have I felt this. 

What worries me next? More attacks? No.

What worries me next is what we are going to do. What are we going to do in response?

Far be it from me to point fingers, but there are a few things that sit uneasily with me right now. And believe me, I don’t mean this to make light of the impossible-to-conceive death-toll.

It seems a little convenient that someone has been pushing the need for increased military spending, and defense against so-called “rogue states”.

It seems a little convenient to me, that bin Laden warned 3 weeks ago that “something big” was going to go down very soon.

It seems a little convenient to me, that when somebody’s daddy was also dealing with a shit economy and failing popularity, that he went and started a war.

It seems a little convenient to me, that Bush’s quote of “we’ll hunt down the folks responsible” has been changed across the board to “we’ll hunt down those responsible.” The revisionism and mediacontrol has begun. After all, can’t have our Prez sounding like an ignorant hick, can we? Not when we need strength?

Its been more or less proven that FDR knew Pearl Harbor was going to happen, and allowed it to happen to get the U.S. into W.W. II (I’m not saying we shouldn’t have gotten into W.W. II, just listen to me, and think about this). I really fear what paperwork we’ll find in 60 years about this.

I feel sick. Very very very very sick.